The Fire Below
by AmeliaSvedka
Summary: Chuck Bass' thoughts on his dark, fiery, passionate relationship with Blair Waldorf. Little hints about the rest of his life but most of this is just about his journey with Blair. Chuck's POV
1. Chapter 1

**Bassterd's Beginning**

I had no relationship with my father. Everything in my household revolved around money and business deals. So naturally I was drawn to power, I feared feeling vulnerable as it was considered weak to my father. All I aspired to was anything that kept me in control. So I paid for intimacy as I had none at home. Which worked in my favour because I had no desire to be anyone's anything. The only women I grew up around were either my father's staff or his affairs, which often were the same thing. So naturally I didn't have any women to look up to or more importantly respect.

I am Chuck Bass, an old fashioned, possessive and vindictive man. If I had ever imagined I could ever find a woman worth my respect she was only in old black and white movies I used to watch, the ones that inspired great loves set in Paris in the 1920s. Women of elegance. They don't exist anymore.

 **Hey Constance St Jude**

I cared about three things, Money, the pleasures money brings me and Nate Archibald. My best friend who probably was the only human contact I had that was based on mutual respect. Nate was a true friend, the only person to ever have my back. No one else would have been my friend at the time, and honestly, I could manipulate everyone else, so I didn't care enough to make friends with those who weren't an equal.

The Girls at Constance were no different. They didn't excite me. They were too easy it bored me, it all became a conquest. The majority would flaunt their sexuality, desperate for attention, especially on the Upper East side, none of them were worth more than a night. The rest, were too busy assuring their friends that they were far too good to let me get their hands on them, which made it even more of a challenge, that I enjoyed. I had never met a girl with the elegance I found irresistible, someone who didn't give it all up easily, someone that made me earn it. Well until now.

That's probably why my friendship with Blair grew quicker than mine with Serena. Serena van Der Woodsen was honestly, in my eyes, a train wreck. She was a good person, but sloppy for my taste. Sloppy with her drinking and her body. Most girls around here were like that. Blair was mesmerizing to me, good reputation, hard to get, and not to mention had a downright devious personality. I think I'm the only one to find that hot. Blair and I were cut from the same cloth, old fashioned style plus she was a cold hearted, mastermind at schemes. Impressive.

 **The non-judging breakfast club**

When I first met Blair and Serena it was the time Nate was introducing Blair as his girlfriend. Serena may have been most men's dream girl, friendly, sexy, inviting but that was more more Nate's type than mine. Surprisingly Blair was much more mine, She was a modern day Audrey Hepburn. She was strong, controlled and a complete bitch to everyone. Something that Nate was opposed to just happened to be what I was drawn to. She wasn't like the other girls of our generation. She was conservative, reserved, distant, didn't let anyone in... definitely a girl I could finally respect. The four of us, as much as we hated to admit it, had a gang of our own, even if we despised each other at times.

 **Mind, Body and Scheme**

I admired Blair's dark side. Blair was possibly more evil than I was. She definitely was the crazy bitch of the upper east side. You see, I liked playing the puppeteer in my schemes. I enjoyed tricking others into doing my dirty work but Blair, she wanted to make sure you and everyone else knew it was her that took you down. Gotta admire her guts.

 **Cool exterior, the fire below Victrola**

The first time I truly fixated on Blair Waldorf was when I was 16. Observing her on the met steps. Classy and elegant in her uniform, the Blair Waldorf customized uniform that inspired tons of Constance girls, and of course... her _headband._

She instilled fear in thousands of young girls. Everyone feared and idolized her. I realized how truly powerful she was and that fascinated me.

But when she got on that stage at Victrola and her delicate graces revealed a seductive and echanting manner, I thought _"Could this be the girl of my dreams?"_ Because beneath the conservative, reserved, cold exterior that I admired so much, was a dark, sexual deviant. She showed she was my kind of 1920s girl, she did not unveil the mystery of what wildness resides within her unless you were deemed worthy. That makes an old fashioned man like me feel special. That she was sharing something with only you. The only man would would ever get to enjoy her touch, her body, she let you have something that no other man would ever get to see.

I'd dreamed of that, getting to have a classic girl that was only mine, purely mine... They don't make 'em like that anymore. For the first time, I think I'm falling in love, and you can bet your asses I had no idea what that was or how the hell to handle that.

It was the first time I ever had sex that meant something, this was the first time I did this with someone I actually respected, someone I care about. I wanted her to know I appreciate how special it is coming from a girl like her that doesn't gift this to just anyone. I wanted her to be sure she wanted me to have it.

That's when I realized she was the only girl who could _overpower me._


	2. Chapter 2

**The Morning Aftermath**

I couldn't sleep that night, I couldn't quite comprehend what exactly happened that night, and trying to get some shut eye was constantly interrupted by the memory of Blair purring in my ear. By 7am I wasn't sure if I had slept for a mere 2 hours or not at all, so I called Arthur and decided maybe a ride about town would at least get me a rest.

That changed once I caught Blair leaving church. I can't describe the feeling in my stomach but I felt excited, she met me with distain and I knew there was a chase to be had, which was absolutely fine by me. She was going to make me work for it, and I found a thrill in that.

Of course not all the emotions that surfaced that day were good, I felt a pinch in my chest that felt like guilt. Nate came over, I could barely look him in the eye. How was I supposed to make my best friend understand how much I care about the mess he was sucked into, when I spent the morning dropping dollars on an expensive gift for his ex, or more importantly how I enjoyed making love to her. What the hell am I doing?

Blair's birthday was a tumultuous string of ups and downs, much like my pending relationship with Blair. Serena greeted me with a gracious welcome, Blair did not. I always found it hilarious the contrast between the two best friends. Serena had a bad reputation for drinking and promiscuity but was a genuinely good, kind person. Blair had the reputation of a good girl, but was actually an evil bitch, and naturally me being me, I was determined to get the latter. I never thought of my actions that night as throwing Nate under the bus, but then again, if you were expecting this story to be about redemption, you'll be disappointed, just like Blair has no problem being the bitch, I have none being the asshole. I had to do what I had to do. Nate wanted out, Blair had a right to know and I wanted Blair. I know I had hurt her once the GG blast came through. So it was time I stepped up and reminded her that I want her to be happy, and I did whatever I could to salvage her birthday, lucky for me, my wish also happened to come true.

 **One week of Passion**

It was fun sneaking around that week, but mostly it was just nice to feel happy. Blair and I had a week in paradise. She'd text me whenever Serena wasn't around, and if Nate had left mine, Blair would surprise me in a negligee and an overcoat. There really was a deviant under her reserved exterior. She even had the most unusual quirks like the thrill of being caught, something I too, enjoyed about her.

 **Cotillion; From Plot to Powerless**

I was impressed with my own skills during the throw down I secretly orchestrated at Cotillion. Unfortunately Blair did not agree. Someones I couldn't fathom how she couldn't put two and two together, but remembering how Blair detested anything that came in the way of her social climbing, I guess I should have realised my inevitable fail. I guess jealousy can cloud my judgment. However that fact that I had single handedly pushed her right into Nate's arms was the real sting I needed to realise I had fallen in love with her.

It was absolute torture watching her parading around with Nate right in front of my face, and Blair had no remorse. The fact that she'd toy with me like that, I had to put a stop to it. So I resorted to what I do best, blackmail. I thought if I could threaten Blair to stay away from Nate, he would eventually grow bored of waiting around for Blair and move on. I mean after all, he had plenty other options.

 **Revenge is a GG blast best served cold**

But just like me, Blair wouldn't fight fair... And I lost. That made my blood boil even more. I began to hate her just as much as I loved her. She even bested me at the pregnancy scandal. It was time to take the queen B down. It was time to make her feel, as bad as I feel.

The overthrow of Blair Waldorf was much anticipated by everyone she had ever manipulated and humiliated. Believe me it was a long line of protesters in this revolution. I did take some immense pleasure in being the one to finally force the queen to step down.

But losing Nate in the process stung hard. We had been friends forever and now my scheme came with a huge price to pay. I had hurt Nate in a way I never intended. Somehow watching Blair lose everything wasn't as enjoyable when it resulted in me losing everything too.

And then Blair showed up. Turning to me as her last option simply because she lost everyone. I didn't want her like that. Who did she think she is to only treat me with decency when she had no other choice. How little she thought of me made me turn red. No. I wanted to hurt her, as much as she hurt me.

 **All you need is, a scheme**

It had been a couple months since the gang were all brought together. I admit I had missed them. But during the distance, Serena and I had become close. I don't think we really adapted to being family till later on, but she did portray a certain kindness that made me feel like she could be a good sister.

After Georgina had exploited her in many ways, I was actually thrilled that Blair wanted to go head to head with me at her side. Blair definitely could take Georgina down on her own but the fact that she came to me, meant two things. 1; she actually enjoyed spending time with me despite what she says and 2; she actually does respect me, she believes in my power and nothing brings us together like a mutual respect during a scheme.

It was time to make amends. Knowing that Blair still believed I was worthy made me believe all could be forgiven and I still have a shot.

It seemed like a possible happy ending until my father managed to get into my head.

Talking about change, responsibility, seriousness. It scared me, if I commit to Blair then I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable again. Letting Blair have that kind of power over me would result in me getting hurt and we all know I can't trust her with my heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Torture is a bitch named Blair**

As soon as she left I realised what I had lost. I was a coward who did everything I could not to feel it. But after finding out she was arriving tonight, I was ready to do the right thing. Of course Blair had another plan up her sleeve, I guess she decided tormenting me was the best revenge. She knew how to push my buttons.

I assumed it was another game until I found her pin on Marcus, (at the time, James... by the way, that's a whole other story) it broke my heart a little. Did she really fall for him? Were they really as serious as her and Nate once were? I knew then, to win this competition I had to up my game and it was time to get dirty. Enter my trustworthy PI.

Once I had found out about Marcus' true identity I realised I had no other option but to simply beg for another chance, but she made that impossible with her little _3 words, 8 letters._

Did she really expect me to say it then? Let her have the power as usual while I feel vulnerable and defeated? I couldn't do that. Not again. So that was my answer, I had to let it go. I lost.

 **One more night**

A string of one night stands was my usual remedy for pretty much any unfortunate situation but this time, it just wasn't working... technical problems so to speak. Serena had a pretty good theory as to why. I didn't really want to admit it but I realised this could be a win win situation. I get to clear my pipes and remind Blair what an awful, unsatisfactory choice she had made.

Just being able to touch her made all my senses tingle and I know she felt the same. The passion that resurfaced when we touch always reminded me of what we have, or had. It's just too hard to let go. Unfortunately my attempt was cut short thanks to Marcus.

 **The Bet**

It had been a while since Blair and I had spoken. She obviously hadn't forgiven me for basically proving her relationship with Marcus was lacking. Thankfully that had fizzled out and surprise, surprise she called me.

I realised it was just for a bet, but she still needed me. Once I realised I was just doing her dirty work I decided to back out. She needs to remember who she is dealing with, and I guess she did because she gave me the ultimate prize... _Her_

A chance to have Blair back? I couldn't refuse! So I decided to go ahead with the plan. But once I discovered the treasure of Vanessa's beloved building I realised this could be just what I needed. The idea of this place was... me. It's a step further in the direction of the man I want to be, and it would have been all mine. Of course my father didn't approve. But then I realised something... I didn't want to destroy Vanessa, she lead me to my fate, my ideal club. Would it be possible to get the club, get Blair and show my appreciation for Vanessa by not seducing and destroying her? Well, I'm Chuck Bass, so if anyone can do it, it's me.

Blair Waldorf can of course be held accountable for destroying any hope I had. Before I could let everybody win, she had to Vanessa first. I assumed the bet was off, but then... suddenly Bair had decided to concede.

I realised Blair let me win because she was... _jealous!_

So maybe the prize doesn't just have to be a night with Blair. Maybe the prize is a future with Blair. If she was jealous that meant I still have a shot, right? So it was time to raise the stakes.

 _3 words, 8 letters._ It was time she felt vulnerable, it was time she fought for me the way I fought for her.

 **Frustration and Seduction go hand in hand**

Blair naturally hates to lose, so she tried every trick in the book to make sure that that things went her way. I realised this wasn't going to be easy, and her seduction techniques knew exactly how to get me off (pun intended). It was best to leave her abruptly because let's face it, if I stayed around her any longer I will cave and she will win. She almost did. I don't know if I ever thanked Serena for texting at just the right time before I had ended up conceding.

When Blair had finally decided to say those three little words I thought, finally, we'll get everything we ever wanted and when she didn't I couldn't comprehend as to why this just wasn't working for us. Dan Humphrey managed to sabotage it yes, but there was more to it.

I discovered that as much as we longed for each other, we are both not ready to lose ourselves in one another, and that would happen all too quickly knowing our connection. We'd be overwhelmed and eventually lose it all. We weren't ready, I think we both know, attempting this relationship and then failing because we were too immature would be tragic. We knew we were in love, maybe that was enough for now.

 **Tragedy with a side of tainted love**

As you all know, my father's death shook my whole world up. I was so numb to everything once the only family I ever had was buried in the ground. For a moment I had forgotten what the Van Der Woodsens had brought to my life. Lily may not have been mother of the year to her own children, but to me, she was the most loving parent I've ever had. The only parent who wanted to love and protect me. But during this particular time I couldn't see it. I couldn't see one silver lining.

And that was the moment Blair chose to finally say I love you. Seriously? The one, last, shred of hope I've been craving for in my life was now associated with today. How could she say it today of all days? I didn't want Blair's I love you to forever be a memory tied to my father's funeral. She should not have said it today. She should not have tainted it.

 **A new (fake) reality**

I was so lost at that point. It felt so good to be in Blair's arms as I fell asleep. Good to feel that someone who loved me was there, but I wasn't ready for it. I didn't want to put her through all of this either. It was time to find a cure, but while I searched I felt more lost than ever. I was looking for something that didn't exist, far away from everyone and everything I knew. A gentlemen's club? Anything that still attached me to my father's old life, made me feel close to him. A girl who seemed as beautiful as Blair, saving her because I can't save the one I wanted. This fake reality I wanted to create for myself quickly crashed and burned and maybe it was the wake up call I needed to go back home and make things right with Lily and Blair.

 **In the hands of an enemy lies my prized possession**

Seing that cheating, money grabbing insect's hands on Blair was definitely a sore pill to swallow. She wasn't even trying to make me jealous this time, she was actually losing herself, and Carter was the one who took way too much pride in my envy and anger.

It was almost depressing to see the Blair Waldorf I know and love change to every regular messed up soul on the upper east side. She was stronger than this, she was better than this and I had no idea how to save her. She had lost her way and her plans hadn't worked. She had hit rock bottom.

 **Fireworks, then zero.**

What's worse than knowing you can't rescue her back? Finding out Nate Archibald did. No, there's no way we are repeating history. Nate and Blair? What a dull and overplayed song that was. She couldn't seriously be turning her back on the sparks between us.

Since Nate wasn't going to play fair, well neither should I. I know she loves me, I know I can win this one, I just need her to know every firework she's lacking with Nate, she'll run back to me to recapture it.

Thank goodness, my lovely sister Serena always needs bailing out. I couldn't have planned this better myself, Nate would hate the fact that a scheme was on the horizon, knowing that Blair and I would reconnect over it.

But I couldn't continue my distain for Nate at this point, we had been friends for too long and despite how I feel about his actions, I know he'd never do anything malicious, and all he really wanted me to do was come clean about how I feel. Maybe that was the head kick I needed to realise that maybe I have to accept anyone to make Blair happy, I'd rather it be Nate.

And just because I couldn't get to be the one with her, doesn't mean I can't make sure she gets the happiness she deserves, like a 150 prom votes for instance?

 **Look like Bergman and Bogart, Act like Bonnie and Clyde**

Finding out Nate and Blair had broken up was probably at the greatest timing ever. Not that we were any good at timing but Blair and I definitely had some time to realise what we wanted and that we were ready.

And meeting her that night, looking more beautiful than ever in my favourite stockings, it seemed like everything was finally falling into place.

Until Gossip Girl had anything to say about it.

Blair and Jack... Blair and my uncle! I should've known Blair and I were too good to be true. I couldn't do this now. I couldn't believe the actual, physical pain I felt inside. I had never felt betrayed like that before. It didn't matter whenever we were together or not, Blair Waldorf was mine... and now every time I think of her I see Jack's hands all over her. Nothing hurt more.

So naturally... I ran. Again.

 **xoxo**

Trying to escape my thoughts was too damn hard. Everywhere I went, she caught up with me... and I realised, better to be vulnerable and lose yourself in love than be alone without the love of your life. I understand how young we are but I am me, and she is who she is. We were never going to want someone else. We were soulmates. I had to come back.

And I finally said those three little words.

 _I love you_

Too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summer Games**

Blair and I definitely had the hot and heavy honeymoon phase everyone had anticipated. We were determined to not lose ourselves in one another and to make sure we remained who we are to not fall into a rut.

Once Summer was over it quickly came to an end. After my chat with Nate I realised that maybe Blair was just doing this for me, which I was determined to get out of her, after all, all I wanted was to make her happy, I didn't need the game, I needed her to be happy... with me.

 **New Beginnings**

Blair spent most nights at my place, I really enjoyed living together, despite how soon it may have been, like I stated earlier, she was all I'll ever want. That's why I objected to her living in the dorms at NYU. She'd be better off staying with me, she was too good for that school. But you know Blair, and once she sets her mind to something... you can't talk her out of it.

Blair had changed me, made me open up to all the possibilities my heart would have denied before. I wanted to be the man she'd be proud of. I thought about our future a lot and what man I want to be. So I was inspired, to do more, to accomplish something in my life, and that too, would prove my father underestimated me. All I had to do, to achieve my goals was bid on a painting. I still look back and laugh at Georgina's failure that day. But still, Blair kept things interesting. I really had to focus on work to be able to succeed, which meant no distractions, especially Blair. It's definitely hard to concentrate when you get a taste of the most beautiful woman I know is standing in front of you. She definitely wasn't happy about my distance, which is why she almost won the painting... disturbing my lack of focus.

But the big picture arose as it always did, and Blair giving in proved to me that she truly believed in me. That was really all the assurance I needed... and because I had her by my side, I was able to do something great for our futures. I found The Empire.

 **Pay It Forward**

As things were turning up for me, Blair was in a rut. It was sad to see the most powerful woman I know cling on to constance and give up. I know NYU was not our cup of tea, but I needed her to know I believed in her too. So I teamed up with Jenny Humphrey, if I hadn't, we all know Blair would take her crown and Jenny wouldn't stand a chance against her without me. It was an elaborate plan, but necessary, even if I had to pay the photographer. After all, _Dumbo could always fly, just needed a magic feather._

Once Blair had remembered exactly who she was, I was more than happy to help her with her latest scheme. She had regained her power and new minions and was ready to take on NYU, I was proud. But finding out that she had manipulated me in the process did hurt. After all, I knew what little respect she had for those she manipulated, and it was hard to think, even just for a moment that she thought so little of me.

 **The Empire**

I focused on work, trying to keep Blair's recent tricks out of my head. I thought I was doing well to not let my feelings affect my business but as you saw, the theme of my latest club party was the 1920s, I guess Blair influences me in more ways than one. I realised she should be here for this, she is the one who inspired me, and I thought if I had accomplished it all without her help, maybe she would respect me again. But she had her own plans.

Finding out once again that she had betrayed me, just proved my insecurities. Does she really not respect me? I thought this party would make her proud of me and yet, she still felt that I couldn't do anything without her. I know now that this wasn't the case and she just wanted to get back into my good graces but at the time it just felt like once again, she makes me powerless.

But we're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, we were going to get passed these false thoughts and work it out, I just realised that we need to discuss some ground rules and number one was, keeping our scheming talents focused on others, not each other.

 **New Page**

Things were going well for us, together and individually. Of course there were times we disagreed and had to play a little dirty, but that's what kept things interesting, me plotting to fix her friendship with Serena, or arguing over whether Carter was genuine or not. I couldn't help but get a little tense whenever Carter's around, was hard to get the Carter/Blair fiasco picture out of my head, Blair defending him just rubbed me the wrong way.

But like somewhat mature adults we rose above it. Until the anniversary of my father's death. I let him get inside my head and my insecurities were kicking in again. Being soft, being vulnerable, that's what lead me into Blair's manipulation in the first place. But after Serena's accident, I definitely received a wake up call. Don't push Blair away, I realised that day more than ever, that she truly loved me, and she has done so much for me, and I wasn't going to lose sight of that, the positive was always greater than the negative.

 **Elizabeth Fisher**

It seemed like my life was picture perfect, I had my own hotel, I had the love of my life and... a mother. Being vulnerable wasn't so scary when you finally see how much it opens you up to love of good women.

That's why I had hit rock bottom when I found out Jack was behind it all. I couldn't help but allow those dark thoughts to re-enter my head. If I hadn't been soft, this never would have happened.

 **The Deal**

I know it was the worst thing I had done, well, up until that point at least, and if you think it was easy, it wasn't. My head wasn't in the right place, I couldn't even think straight. It may have been just a hotel to most people but to me, it was proof my father was wrong about me, it was proof that Blair believed in me, it was proof that I am capable of being the man I want to be for my future with her.

The Empire was with Jack, and he wanted Blair. I poorly believed I'd get it all. I don't think I had realised how painful it was going to be until Serena had jokingly announced that Blair was probably _cheating._

It was a hard deal to accept at all, but it had become real once I saw Jack's note to Blair. It was last year all over again. Jack and Blair are sleeping together right now. I may have orchestrated it, but the visions in my head were engraved in there.

I still felt betrayed, I know how stupid that sounds but it hurt. I guess I had convinced myself that she had manipulated me so many times, that this was only fair. It just ended up hurting me in the process because I didn't want to picture anyone else touching her.

But she found out the truth of the deal. I never in a million years thought she would leave me. That slap definitely made me realise that my unrealistic dreaming that everything would work out was naive. How could I believe she would forgive that, and how did I think we'd return to normal knowing she had slept with Jack. That's exactly what the bastard wanted, me to lose Blair.

 **Grand Gesture**

I was determined to get her back. Finding out she hadn't slept with Jack was probably the most satisfying news I've ever heard. I believed we could make it. When she told me this was the end, I was a stubborn child. She was wrong, she had to be and I was going to do everything in my power to prove it, even if that means threatening every guy on the upper east side to stay away from my woman.

Naturally I played dirty but there was too much at stake to play it safe. I didn't worry though, yes she made me jealous, parading around with that useless rugby player, but I know she loves me. I know I will win her back. So it was time for Blair to give up the game. The ultimatum. I was certain she'd show up at the Empire State building, and I know this was just the grand gesture I needed to make her realise she still loves me.

 **The Tragedy**

I woke up that morning as happy as can be. I was about to get the girl of my dreams, life was taking a turn for the good. I arrived at the top of the building, peonies in hand, I couldn't wait to start the rest of our lives. I knew it was time, time to finally propose to Blair Waldorf, make her mine for good.

But she never showed. I don't think I had ever truly felt heartbreak until now. It cut like a thousand knives all over my body. I was so sure she loved me, I couldn't even face the possibility that she _didn't_

I got home and poured myself a drink, and then another, and another and so on. Anything to get this aching pain out of my chest. I kept replaying the same words over and over in my head. _She doesn't love me anymore._

I didn't care if I lived or died, what was there to live for? I must have been on my 6th drink when Jenny showed up. I could see she was in pain too. Misery loves company after all, but I thought to myself, whatever pain she is in, doesn't compare to what I have just lost. I was lonely and depressed, so was she. It was never my intention to do that to Jenny, It's just all I could think about was how over my life was, and I believe she felt the same. And we both didn't want to be reminded how alone we really were.

Blair showing up at my place with the flowers made my heart skip a beat. I was so happy I almost forgot Jenny was in the room. I mean, all I could think about was, I was right. Blair still loves me!

But then it hit me, if Blair finds out Jenny is in there, I will have really lost her... I was just about to enter when thankfully Jenny had left. I thought I was off the hook. My fairytale was starting. Blair and I had made love and I had everything I ever wanted. She was in my arms again, and I definitely wasn't going to let her go. So I pulled out the ring. I was nervous and excited, all my hopes and dreams were about to come true and my beloved Blair Waldorf would be my wife. It really was a fairytale.

Until Dan Humphrey.

I swear time had stopped, I was speechless. Time had literally stopped and reality checked in. All I could think was Oh my god... this is the end, I've lost her. I tried to think of any words I could say that wouldn't make this night result in losing Blair for good, but I wasn't quick enough.

It was over. Blair knew everything. There was nothing I could do except stand there, paralyzed... It didn't even seem real, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I have lost the only thing I've ever loved.

 **Self-Destruction**

I wasn't even myself anymore. I felt like a ghost. Blair left me. Losing Blair felt like death, I honestly felt already dead. The world had ended for me. All I had left of her was this ring. That ring and the hope of it was all that kept me alive. Even though there was no chance of me ever getting the life I want with Blair, I wasn't ready to face that fact. I had to stay in denial, I wasn't ready to process a life without Blair Waldorf.

I fought the muggers off hard for the ring because if they had taken it, then I'd have to face the truth.

 **BANG**

The ring is gone. Blair isn't coming back to me. And I'm just... waiting here to die.


	5. Chapter 5

**Denial**

I woke up in a strange apartment to a woman I've never seen before. I was fully aware, no memory loss, just denial remained. This lady had cleaned up my wound, saved me... rescued me from my life. I realised right then and there, this was the perfect opportunity to forget everything I'd done, everything I'd lost.

Enter Henry Prince.

This alter ego of mine was necessary for survival. I can't be Chuck Bass right now. I can't even stomach myself knowing what Chuck had done. This woman was my second chance. I couldn't love her, my heart couldn't take it right now, but she represented everything I needed at that time, a chance to rebuild, a chance to remain in denial of my former life.

Eva was good to me, she represented good and kindness, if it wasn't for her I probably would have died, not just physically, but emotionally. I had to hold onto her, if I didn't, I'd be Chuck Bass again, the man who lost Blair Waldorf, and I never wanted to be him again. I decided I could probably live this way forever, it may not be real, but a fake life is better than the real one I had left behind.

 **Reality Check**

Everything was fine, I had a chance to live simply, be the person that Eva believes I am. I had convinced myself I had become Henry. It was the only coping mechanism I had in my arsenal.

Then I saw _her._ Blair Waldorf, in that cab, and it all came rushing back to me. What I had done, what I had lost. My heart just couldn't handle that, I had to run. I went home and begged Eva for us to leave. I needed the memory of my former life to remain in the dark, it was the only way I'd continue breathing.

Serena had found me, pleaded for me to come home. I wish I could have granted her wishes but I couldn't face them all. I assigned everything I own to Lily. I can't be Chuck without Blair. I can't go back and face reality.

 **Red**

There I was, at the train station, ready to start over and then I saw her, in red, looking more beautiful than I remembered. Just seeing her again brought back everything, the passion, the loss, the tragedy, the love. We were in Paris after all, it was bittersweet to be in this city with her, and not actually be with her. It cut like a knife hearing those words _I don't love you anymore_

But no matter what, she had a hold on me, a connection to deep to fight. If she believed I could be the man I wanted to, instead of a coward, then no matter what, I'd still do anything to be a man she approves of.

I realised going back wouldn't be easy, so I asked Eva to come with me. I believed that Eva would help making it easier. But really I just needed to stay in denial. I wasn't ready to actually face the truth, and since I wanted to honour what Blair had told me, I couldn't run away. I needed Eva to remain my coping mechanism.

 **Hope**

Everything that Eva represented was the kind of person Blair had told me to be that night in Paris. Eva definitely made life easier. Holding onto her was the last hope I had of a second chance. The only option I had that didn't remind me of everything I had done. She helped me make amends, she helped me forgive himself. I'm grateful for her. I'm grateful for Henry, he kept me alive.

Blair was determined to take Eva down. I assumed Blair just wanted to hurt me for what I did. I didn't pay much attention to it because the guilt that was still buried within me, made me feel that I should let Blair do what she does best. If this took away any of the destruction I caused in her life then fine, I'll accept it. But then she went too far.

I couldn't wrap my head around it at first. Why would she do this? Why would she make Eva leave me? Eva was right. I wanted to believe Blair, I wanted to believe that she still cared. I still had the hope of Blair and it cost me Eva.

So I thought, if Blair could do all of this, maybe I'm not that off base here, maybe there actually is hope. Maybe everything I believed about us being over, wasn't true. Maybe... just maybe, it's possible, she still loves me?

But she denied it... And that hurt all over again, if she didn't still love me then everything she did was truly just to hurt me. I expected a little fire thrown but for Blair to go that far, she must have truly hated me.

I couldn't forgive that. I did everything I could, no matter how painful to respect Blair and leave her alone. After what happened between us, I just wanted to put her first, out of love. And she, in return did this? It was despicable, even for her.

 **Passion fuels love... and hate**

This meant war. I was still holding onto Eva. I needed to be in denial to avoid facing what really happened those months ago, that if I stepped back and took Eva out of the equation, I'd realise I'm still in so much pain and I'd be back at square one.

So there was only one way to get back and Blair and because I couldn't let go of the Empire State building night, I subconsciously brought it right back, along with Jenny Humphrey.

Jenny was the wake up call I needed to realise I had been lying to myself for so long. Using Eva to rewrite my history, believe in a new life. Avoiding anything Chuck Bass like. But I guess he was still in me, for me to go to war to avoid my feelings. Very Chuck Bass like.

 _Together we were invincible, apart would result in our mutual destruction._

With one sentence Jenny brought back reality. She forced us to face how we really feel and we couldn't go back to denying it all. I thought long and hard after that. Everything I had done since I got shot was all to avoid the truth and now, I had to face it, for real this time, I had lost Blair, and if I don't hold onto some fake reality, be it the hope of being a man like Henry, or the hope of a second chance like Eva granted me, then all I have is the pain of how empty my life is, which is a result of my own making.

 **Peace?**

We had come to terms with the fact that Blair and I couldn't hide what we feel. Nate and Serena felt a peace treaty was necessary for us to ensure we stick to our ground rules. We even had a clause that stated No Touching. Blair and I knew how we affect each other, and if we had any hope of surviving as friends, we definitely can't be touching.

But I admit, no matter how hard we try, there are somethings too powerful to deny. Like jealousy? Hearing Blair express Jack's location messed with my head. I tried to be the bigger guy and let it go, I really did, but I couldn't help it. Did she really meet Jack? Was it revenge against me? Did she have sex with him?

I couldn't refrain from thinking of the images over and over again.

So I guess it made sense that when Blair's karaoke video was leaked, she'd assumed I had done it out of jealousy. Once I heard she was infact looking for me and not Jack, I wanted her to understand that I didn't do this to her. But after what she said to me, I got angry. Blair knows her painful her words can be. Did she actually think that I was a sociopath? Pure evil? It actually hurt that her hatred for me still very much existed.

Attempting a friendship with Blair was excruciating enough, but to know how low she really thinks of me was more than I could take. How could I make an effort for someone who has no respect for me and doesn't even remember the guy she used to love.

I hated her. At that point all the locked up passion we had been denying each other had boiled up and the flame between us couldn't be contained. Since we couldn't love each other, hate was the only way our passion could let loose.

 **Love/Hate Sex**

"Hate sex" was probably our most satisfying form of denial. We both got to convince ourselves we hated each other, our intense desires for each other were unleashed and we both could go on pretending that we had moved passed the history.

But love conquers all as they say, and the more time we spent together, the more it was harder to let go. Nothing could kill it, being apart, being around each other excessively, it was all the same, we were magnetic.

We needed each other, without knowing it we were helping each other build our futures. Looking back I wish we had realised it sooner. I had even blurted out I love you. I couldn't help it. It was getting harder and harder to deny.

I had even planned a dinner to discuss a second chance. I had hoped she would agree to forgive me, maybe it was possible to put it all behind us and get back everything we ever wanted.

But our business made that almost impossible. Still, I wanted to know if Blair would be willing to risk it all, it was just too hard to ask her to risk it all for me, especially after all we've been through.

One last gesture, to prove I'm genuine. I organised the Anne Archibald dinner for her and lucky for me, it lead her to me... and she said what I was hoping for, she loves me too. It may have been ruined by Jenny, (in hindsight) but we went up in flames together. No matter what, Blair Waldorf still loves me, and that's all I needed to know.

Finding out that KC approved and I could have it all was just the cherry on the cake. Until Blair wasn't granted the same ordeal. It felt like a loss but reminded myself it wasn't. I would have done anything to help her but I had to respect she wanted to do it alone, I couldn't beg her to stay, I had to let her accomplish her goals, I didn't want to be her set back again.

And this time, I knew, she will come back to me. No matter what happens, I was glad to be certain that we weren't over. We were never over. I can't tell you how satisfactory it is knowing that I still have a future with Blair.

After all, people who are meant to be together always find their way back.

And we can survive last year, and she forgave me, then I'm more certain now than ever, that we are meant to be together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Forge our own paths**

Blair and I separating to focus on our futures was easy as we were both very busy. I had my eyes set on Russell Thorpe who was planning on making a play for my company and Blair was interning at W. Yes she did because editor before even I had anticipated.

My inn with Russell, was his daughter Raina. But she was smarter than I thought, and wasn't as easy to take down. Blair made me realise that I'd have to really play the game in order to get Raina on my side instead of her father's.

But after finding out Raina and I had similar upbringings and we bonded over our mutual failed childhoods I realised I had really connected with her. I wasn't in love with her, I couldn't ever fall in love with anyone but Blair, but I cared for Raina, she seemed almost as powerful as Blair, and what was wrong with dating. Just because I didn't see a future with Raina, didn't mean we couldn't enjoy our time together.

But that was short lived, once life got serious. I couldn't keep this up anymore, it was time for me, myself to get serious. The fire, Russell, and of course my father, made me realise I had been going about everything the wrong way. Everything I knew about my father was all based on lies and yet I had been doing everything to please him my entire life! I needed to find Blair, It was the wake up call I needed to get my life back on track, especially after been crushed by my father's dishonesty. Raina may have started dating Nate, but that didn't bother me. Although it did bother me that Nate went behind my back, I thought we had matured since high school, why couldn't he have just told me? Then again, I did orchestrate it by mine and Lily's plan to distract her far away from what's going on, and honestly, I had bigger things to worry about than Nate dating the same girl I did.

And Blair wasn't taking my calls. What had happened? Was she dating someone? I know that I was too, but the difference is, while I never got too serious with anyone else, Blair was able to fall in love with other people besides me, and that scared me.

 **Rolling in the deep**

Not only did I have to find out who was distracting Blair, I also had to defeat Russell, now without Raina's help, this time I couldn't manipulate her into choosing me. Which meant I couldn't use Russell's daughter, his one weakness to keep my company. And all of this was a lot of pressure whilst the memory of my father and the legacy I thought he left me was blowing up in flames.

But then I thought, if Raina and Nate's feelings are real, maybe she'd help HIM. But it all backfired, She was intent on finding out the information for herself and Nate cared too much about her to get her to back off.

And just when I thought things couldn't get more difficult where my legacy was concerned, there were papers in my face every single day of Blair and her new french phony.

That's when I turned to drink. Nate was bugging me about Raina's mother, and Blair and Louis seemed to be getting serious, and I needed some way to deny it all.

But it got harder to deny after Nate's harsh words, did he really believe Blair was going to end up with someone else? There's no way, no matter what we have been doing, Blair and I both know we are the endgame... and it was time to prove it.

 **The ring in the safe**

I had stored the ring in there since Blair gave it back to me in Paris. I may have been hammered but I still knew my hope wasn't false.

I was so drunk I can't even remember what words I uttered but after Blair had turned me away and Sophie had called security on me, I went home to drown my sorrows. I couldn't comprehend it, she was just making me jealous right? Why was she even pretending to marry this guy?

But then she showed up at my place and all my insecurities faded. Until she uttered those six little words _Louis asked me to marry him._

What?!

This could not be real, obviously. She could never marry anyone else, She is _mine._ No matter what happened, who we met, who we dated, we were going to marry each other.

And suddenly that familiar feeling came rushing back, just like 2 years ago when my attempt at a proposal was crushed by Dan and Jenny Humphrey. That same paralyzed feeling I felt at the hospital, except this time I was drunk, so since I couldn't find the words to say, I lost my temper.

 _I'm losing her_

Nothing turned me dark and desperate like that same old horrible feeling of knowing I've truly lost Blair Waldorf.

Next thing I know, my fist met the window.

It's over. Again, She cut me with those words, It's over.

 **We found love in a hopeless place**

Jack was back in town. I was barely ever sober, why would I want to be? To prepare for what Russell and Jack are planning? To prepare for what Blair and Louis are planning? How on earth am I supposed to get through this without Blair by my side.

Then my worst fear had been realised, Russell had Blair. Jack must have told him exactly what throws me over the edge, and now, Russell had my weakness in his hands.

But my smart girl lead me to her and thank god she wasn't hurt. I thought I had her back, we had the perfect night off, free from all the drama. She was ready to accept she was mine.

Making love to her that night, felt like I was finally breathing again, living again. We have a great love, a love that is only appreciated in the 1920s and if I love her, truly love her, I wouldn't let her suffer anymore than she has. Because of me, she hasn't found it easy to just be happy. Maybe the only way to make her happy was to let her go.

I'm not going to lie, it was painful to watch her walk off with Louis, to know that Blair Waldorf was actually going to marry someone else and we wouldn't end up together. But I'd rather end up alone, that cause her anymore pain. If something had happened to Blair because of me? That would hurt more than letting her go. At least now, guys like Russell could never use her against me and Blair got to be happy, even if it was at the hands of another man.

But tonight I knew, Louis was a good man, and I knew he would take care of her.

 **Succumb to Numb**

While I believed I had spent my summer, maturing. Maybe it was all my way denying my pain. Since I did everything in my power to feel something. I guess losing Blair was more painful than I had imagined, that I had actually shut off, and I just wanted to feel something that would wake up my senses again.

Dan's attempt with Monkey, my dog, was laughable but endearing. Thank god I did have that dog when reality hit.

What makes a man feel something again? Knowing the love of his life was pregnant with another man's child.


	7. Chapter 7

**Let It Go**

Believe it or not, spending the night crying over loss with Monkey in my arms was surprisingly therapeutic. I realised, since I can't make the person I love the most happy, I could at least honour her by becoming the man she always believed I could.

So it was time to step up, focus on my work and my character.

I even ended up helping Dan Humphrey, as he attempted to destroy Blair's engagement. As much as it pained me to find out his feelings for Blair, I was also glad I wasn't losing her to him!

 **No good deed goes unpunished**

Blair obviously thought my new found niceties were a facade. Who could blame her after Louis had turned to the dark side, so to speak. She was set on uncovering her self-fulfilling prophecy.

Giving into Blair's seduction techniques was as satisfying as it was excruciating. Just getting a taste of her made me realise I would feel weak, but I had to be strong, I had to do this for Dorota. Giving into pleasure would have to remain just a lucky coincidence.

With Blair following me around to turn back her Prince Charming, I had to tell her the truth. In order for her to be happy she would have to say those five words I had needed to hear, to someone else, _You will never lose me._

Even Nate was shocked I had told her the entire truth about how I had only turned dark because I was afraid she was leaving me. But if that's what I had to do to make her happy, then so be it. After all, I can't imagine the day I won't love her.

 **Time is running out**

I thought I was doing the right thing, but after that phone call with Blair, all I could think about was how I could not beg her for a second chance and I couldn't take her away from her fairytale, especially after convincing her to pursue it for her own happiness. But when Dan came to me, letting me know that Blair truly wanted me too, I had to fight for her. If Blair knew I loved her so much that I'd make her child my own, then she'd believe I could make her happy.

It seemed everything I had dreamed about was becoming a reality. A future with Blair is back on the table? I could really have it all.

 **Percussion Gun**

But the accident shook us all. I don't know what had happened during the coma, but I was determined to find out how Blair could swear she loves me and she'd never leave me and then suddenly be planning her wedding to Louis all over again.

So when Serena told me the truth about Blair doing all of this just to save my life, and even Eleanor realising that Blair's heart lies with me, I had to stop the wedding. And even though someone succeeded in doing so, I still didn't win my love back. I begged and pleaded for her to let me help but Blair was determined to not let herself become my property, which I had to respect, she wanted to do this on her own.

Of course, Dan's tricks lead her right into his arms, and I was determined to present Brooklyn's Lonely Boy for the sneaky traitor he was. But Blair was right, if I had continued to scheme, I'd push them closer together, and just as Nate said, I should let it ride out.

So I paid her dowry, no matter how jealous I was, I still loved her and wanted her to be free. I may struggle to withstand her with someone else, but at least Louis' family wasn't holding her prisoner.

 **Dodged a bullet? Lost the love of my life?**

It wasn't easy watching Blair and Dan attempt a relationship. The Waldorf I know wasn't there, she was merely a ghost of her old self, even Humphrey wasn't the smart moral compass that we met 5 years ago. I think they both lost sight of who they truly were in that relationship and all I could do was stand by and watch.

But Blair still loved me, I know she did, even if she felt she was doing the right thing, she lead me to my father's return. I was already unstable after everything and dear old Dad was ready to come stir it up all over again.

But this time, my father didn't get in my head but rather said things that alerted all my insecurities. He was right, no matter what happened, I took that ring. I still held on to the hope of a woman who maybe didn't love me the way I thought. I abandoned The Empire when I lost her, I bankrupted myself saving her from her marriage and yet she paraded around with Louis and Dan all the while.

So when she came to reveal her true feelings, I wasn't ready to hear them. I was tired of her games and I had to start something for myself. If she really still respected me, saw me as the same man she fell in love with then she wouldn't have a problem with me building my legacy. And I guess I was right.

You can't imagine my surprise when things actually went my way, Blair Waldorf had finally come to fight for me. _She's all in._

 **Pleasure Delayer**

While things were finally perfect and my future bride had returned to me, I had to defeat my father, I had to prove to myself I could do it and I wanted to prove to Blair that she had made the right decision in believing in me. I needed her to see I was worthy, and her fighting for me was worth it.

But then I realised the beauty of me and Blair is that together we are invincible, combining our power meant we were indestructible. Everyone knows that if Chuck and Blair declare war on you, you were no match for us.

But my father was unfortunately a worthy opponent

I had no choice but to follow his orders, it was the only way to keep Blair safe, I couldn't risk her getting in danger like she did with Russell.

But my Queen of Scheme was a force to be reckoned with. She did know how to gather an army to drive Bart crazy. I was impressed, and well Dan did win my respect by saving my life, even if he did it to win back Serena's heart, it proved he cared about my family.

The worst night of my life was watching Bart fall from the roof, if Blair hadn't been there I don't know what would have happened and believe it or not Jack came to my rescue. I guess he was really in love with my mother, maybe that's where his hatred for Bart came from, and once and for all we had defeated Bart together. But when he propositioned for Blair and I to get married, I was skeptical. All I wanted to do was give Blair her fairytale, I didn't want her to have to marry me like this, but she was surprisingly fine with it, she didn't care how we got married, she just wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and that was all the reassurance I needed.

And I gave her, her fairytale wedding.

Blair Waldorf-Bass was finally my wife. My dreams came true, and about 8 months later, Henry Charles Bass was born.

Everything I had been dreaming of since I was 17 was finally in my hands.

Blair was mine forever, and she gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, my smart, scheming, beautiful, fiery, passionate, classy, 1920s girl

 _Gave me a family._


End file.
